The Great Laser Tag Adventure
by TheSoulGiver
Summary: The Avengers decide on a fun day of recreation, and what better way to do it than by playing some laser tag? Their day certainly becomes more interesting when they decide to invite Loki to join them.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The Avengers, the Earth's mightiest heroes, were draped lazily across the wide, expensive leather couches in one of Tony Stark's roomier mansions, on the coast of some pretentious ocean beach or another. The Avengers minus Thor, that is; the god was off exploring Tony's house, most likely in search for another box of Pop-Tarts. Well, the Avengers minus Thor, plus Peter Parker, actually – Nick Fury had been considering the young hero's file, and wanted to see if he would be a good fit with the rest of the group. This wasn't a problem for the others. They all liked the kid.

Steve was sighing exasperatedly, covering his face with his hands as he sank down into the leather couch.

"We just need one more person for our laser tag outing! How hard can this really be?"

Clint shrugged, looking utterly uninterested with the situation.

"Everyone's out of town. Or busy. Or morons."

"Clint, who else do you know who's not _here_?" Tony asked him.

Clint was saved from replying by the appearance of Pepper Potts, who was passing through the room holding a clipboard and shuffling through the weighty stack of papers piled on top of it. She glanced up and noticed the group assembled there, bonelessly adorning the expensive furniture (except for Bruce, who was sitting politely off to the side reading a book and doing his best to ignore the situation), and she sighed, shaking her head.

"Not _everyone…_" Tony muttered as Pepper turned to walk out of the room. "Yo, Pepper!"

Pepper paused, considering whether to turn around and see what Tony wanted or to just keep walking and not look back. That was so often the key to a peaceful day.

When she didn't respond, Tony raised his voice, thoroughly undaunted by her silence.

"You. Us. Laser tag. You up for it?"

Pepper's jaw clenched and she turned pointedly to face him, raising her eyebrows.

"You really have the nerve to ask me that? After what happened when you convinced me to go bowling with all of you?" Her eyes shot daggers as she passed her gaze over the rest of them. "I'll pass, thank you very much." The sarcasm was heavy on the final few syllables.

Pepper stormed out of the room, her shiny black high heels clicking angrily on the tiled floor of the hallway as she ascended the staircase.

"What about Loki?" a voice piped up. Everybody swiveled to stare at Peter, whose young face was earnest. Natasha nearly snarled with distaste, and Clint regarded him scathingly.

"Kid, that is the most _idiotic_ – "

"Why not though?" Steve interrupted, looking at Peter with curiosity and wonder.

"Steve, he's a crazed psychopath with anger management issues who tried to kill all of us and enslave the human race," Natasha said sharply. "What about that says 'fun recreational day out' to you?"

Steve looked slightly hurt.

"Well, we need another person, don't we? And I really, _really_, wanted to try this, because you all said it was so fun, so I just thought that maybe we could give him another chance?

"Yeah, or maybe we should just lie down in front of him and let him walk across our faces for a bit, because _that_ sounds like almost as much fun, and cheaper, too," Natasha snorted.

"Oh come on, Tash, I really, really want to meet him!" Peter cried pleadingly.

At that moment, Thor strolled triumphantly into the room, clutching a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts in his large, peculiarly muscular fist.

Tony stood up with a cry of, "Ah, there you are! The man of the moment! We were considering inviting your _dear brother_ to accompany us this afternoon – thoughts?"

Thor tilted his head up in deliberation, chewing his Pop-Tart thoughtfully, a few crumbs stuck in his beard.

"Well, Loki has been imprisoned in the Asgardian royal palace since we captured him – "

"In the _palace_?!" Clint interrupted incredulously. "What sort of a punishment is _that_?!"

Thor ignored him and continued speaking through his mouthful of delicious toaster pastry.

" – And his behaviour has improved profoundly. Of my judgment, Loki should be granted this gracious opportunity to begin afresh."

Steve nodded in agreement.

"Right, so how exactly do we contact the Asgardian palace?"

"I believe Loki's numerical sequence code for his personal glowing screen should suffice, does it not?" Thor replied.

"Loki has a _cell phone_?" Natasha asked skeptically.

"It is often difficult to stay in touch with my brother," Thor replied, shrugging. "I assumed that one of these - 'cell phones,' you say? - Bruce showed me will help me keep track of Loki. It is such a struggle with him as of late."

"Cell phones work in _space_?" Clint muttered.

"See, I tried that strategy with Steve, but our senior citizen here still can't figure out how to use the damned thing," said Tony, clapping Steve so firmly on the shoulder that it would have been quite painful if Steve had not built up so much muscle there. Steve looked embarrassed, hanging his head.

"There are so many buttons, and I can't tell which is the right one…"

"To call me, all you have to do is hold down the button with the '2' on it. Is that really so difficult?" Tony cried, throwing up his hands.

Natasha rolled her eyes at them, turning to the rest of the group.

"So who's going to be the one to call _him_?"

"I'll do it!" Peter volunteered excitedly, but a chorus of _No!_'s followed his outcry.

"Why not?!" Peter asked indignantly, his face falling.

"We're trying to minimize exposure of Loki to impressionable children," came the reply from Clint, in an unexpectedly serious voice.

"You're kidding, right?" Peter asked, staring at him.

After several minutes of heated deliberation, Tony ended up being the one having to call '_him_'.

Grumbling slightly, with everybody else (except for Bruce, who was pointedly ignoring them with his nose buried in his book) crowded eagerly around him to hear, Tony pulled out his phone and had Thor read out the number, which his phone called automatically. Steve was staring, transfixed, at this spectacle ("Phones can _hear_ you saying that?!").

The other line was picked up after only one ring, and there was a moment where they could hear the other person breathing, as if the person was trying to remember what the custom was to say when picking up a call, before Loki's voice came through, slightly hesitantly – "This is Loki, son of Laufey, speaking?"

"Hey, Loki? Yeah, this is Tony, uh, son of Howard…"

"Tony? Tony Stark?" Loki interrupted sharply, obviously taken aback. "Why would _you_ be calling _me?_"

Tony took a deep breath.

"Well, Thor accidently smashed his cell phone, Steve doesn't know how to use his, Bruce didn't want to get involved in case you aggravated him and his heart rate elevated too sharply, Natasha flatly refused, and Clint mysteriously disappeared again. So that leaves me," Tony replied, "But trust me, there are a good number of other things I'd rather be doing."

"But…why are you calling?" Loki asked, sounding hopelessly baffled. "The last time I got a call, it was a wrong number…The old woman on the other end of the line believed she was calling her son, and we had a very pleasant conversation about her cats before she remembered her son was apparently from a distant land called 'Texas' and didn't sound like me…"

"I am calling on behalf of the Avengers to invite you to go laser-tagging with us," Tony nearly shouted into the phone, not eager to keep listening to Loki talk about his pathetic social life.

_That_ certainly shut Loki up.

"'Laser-tagging'?" Loki asked finally, his voice noticeably softer. "What is this 'laser-tagging' you speak of?"

"Basically, it's where a bunch of people go and shoot fake guns at each other for fun," Tony replied, "And to be honest, we usually wouldn't call you when we're planning a day of 'fun', but we get a group discount if we have eight people, and nobody else will come with us, and Steve _insisted_ that we get the discount, even though IT'S NOT THE GREAT DEPRESSION ANYMORE, STEVE!"Tony had lowered the phone from his head and turned to shout the last few words over his shoulder to where Steve sat a few feet away on the couch, blushing shamefacedly.

The other end of the line was silent as Loki seemed to consider Tony's proposal.

"That sounds…agreeable," Loki replied, fighting to keep his voice cool and disinterested.

"Great, so would you mind coming down to my mansion around one? I'll have Pepper send you directions. Everyone's staying over here. And Steve insists on carpooling, too, because he seems to think we're still on World War II gas rations or something, and also the fact that Clint and Natasha are the only ones who know where this place is, and tell me that my GPS won't even be able to find it, which I clearly disagree with, but it's no good arguing with these two."

"Yes, of course," Loki replied, seeming as though he were searching for the right words. "Goodbye, Tony Stark."

"Bye," Tony muttered, but Loki had already hung up. He turned around to find the other to find the other six current inhabitants of his mansion staring at him expectantly, even Bruce, whose book lay forgotten on his lap, and Clint, who had at some point appeared back in the seat right next to Tony, making him jump and swear when he first turned around.

"Well, he's coming," Tony announced, to a general reaction of resigned nodding or sighing, except for Peter, who cheered quietly to himself.

"Your brother is one weird dude," Tony added, looking at Thor.

"He's adopted," Thor replied quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

No one was quite sure how to react when 1:00 arrived and the sound of Tony's doorbell echoed through the spacious house. The ring was followed by a muffled grand-yet-unsure sounding announcement through the door: "I, Loki, born son of Laufey, adopted son of Odin of Asgard, have arrived at the residence of Tony Stark, son of Howard of Midgard!"

Everybody was stubbornly glancing from the door to each other, nobody moving. Finally, Tony pulled out his cell phone again.

"Hey, Pepper!" he said cheerfully into the phone.

"What is it, Tony? No, I'm not going laser-tagging with you, so don't even ask me again – "

"No, it's not that, but look – "

"I'm in the office right upstairs! Did you really have to call my phone? Would it have been so difficult for you to get off that leather sofa and walk the _single flight of stairs_ – "

"Yeah, yeah, Pepper, I know I'm lazy and going to die of a heart attack before I reach fifty, but can you get the door?"

"…You're calling me away from doing _your_ paperwork so I can walk downstairs, past where you're all just _sitting_ there, to open the door – "

Tony hung up, stuffing the phone back into his pocket.

Pepper appeared on the staircase a few seconds later, glancing to where they were all sitting, barely metres from the front door. She shook her head, turning stiffly towards the front hall and muttering to herself.

She pulled open the door, expecting possibly another person delivering takeout that they had ordered (when the Avengers assembled they ate enough to feed a small country), but certainly not expecting to be facing an almost apologetic-looking Loki, waiting patiently on the doorstep, fluttering jade cape and all.

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE?!" Pepper screeched, storming into the lounge and staring around at all of their stoic faces, except for Peter, who was craning his head to try to get a good look at Loki around Pepper. "WHAT THE HELL IS _HE _DOING HERE?! WHY – "

"Loki, come on in," Tony called amiably, leaning sideways to look past Pepper to where Loki was still standing on the doorstep, looking uncertain.

Pepper looked as though she might explode. Her hands were shaking as she smoothed the front of her skirt.

"Tony. Tony, what…" She ran a shaking hand through her hair.

"Pepper, you can go back to that paperwork if you like." Tony waved a hand at her when she remained motionless. "Go on, you seemed rather keen on it before…"

"Brother." Thor raised a hand in welcome, standing up from his chair. Loki raised a hand as well.

"Hi, Loki, I'm Peter – " Peter began breathlessly, standing up to greet him, but was cut off when Natasha and Steve simultaneously grabbed the sleeves of his jacket and pulled him back onto the couch and away from a vaguely baffled-looking Loki.

"Loki, do you want anything to drink?" Tony asked by way of being a helpful host. "Or we've got tons of food, if you're hungry."

"No, thank you," Loki declined politely, nodding civilly at Tony.

"Brother, you must try this Earth food!" Thor cried, waving the box of Pop-Tarts over his head as he approached Loki. "These are called…'_Wild-licious Wild Strawberry,'_" he sounded out, reading from the front of the box. "They're the most magnificent creation of these humble humans in existence."

Loki glanced at the rest of the Avengers, who were all watching him silently and expectantly. He raised an eyebrow before finally accepting the foil wrapped pastry his brother was waving under his nose. He ripped open the top of the package, sniffing at it inquisitively. Loki pulled out one of the Pop-Tarts, regarding the pink-frosted red-swirled green-sprinkled treat skeptically, before biting off the corner.

His face remained impassive at first, but even the devious Loki was powerless to hide the widening of his eyes at the sudden blast of delicious flavour.

"It's…satisfactory," Loki mumbled, as Thor smiled victoriously. Loki fought to chew slowly and eat at a measured pace, as everyone was still watching him. It was all he could do not to devour the whole thing like a starved jungle cat.

Now that Loki was here, the easy conversation and the bored silences were now all transformed into an uncomfortable sort of middle ground, where attempts at small-talk fell flat and any silences were nothing short of awkward.

Therefore, everybody was relieved when Tony stood up after yet another glance at his wristwatch, stretching his arms over his head.

"Well, I think that's enough of that. You all ready to go?"

His words were met with a general muttering of assent, and the mighty Avengers (plus friends (well, plus friend and Loki)) emerged from the deep and comfortable cushions of the leather furniture.

"Bet I can beat you to the garage!" Clint hollered, and a majority of the group immediately disappeared down the end of the hall and around the corner, leaving an exasperated Tony, an amused Steve, and a bemused Loki walking at a more leisurely pace.

Thor's footsteps could be heard thundering around the lounge behind them as he frantically pulled up couch cushions and peeked under leather sofas.

"Tony! Tony, my Pop-Tarts are missing! My _Wild-licious Wild Strawberry _toaster strudels! They're not here!"

"Yeah, what do you want me to do about it?" Tony asked.

"Do you possess more?"

"No, Thor, you ate them all this morning. I don't have any more boxes. And anyway, there's no food allowed in my car. Come on."

Thor followed Tony, Steve, and Loki down the hall, looking rather disappointed.

"Do you think my car is going to survive this?" Tony asked Steve, peering anxiously after the group who had sprinted down the hallway and out of sight. "Wait, where's Bruce? BRUCE!"

Bruce poked his head around the corner from the lounge.

"You guys go ahead. I'll stay here."

Tony walked back up the hallway, shaking his head as he threw his arm around Bruce's shoulders.

"Come on, Bruce…We need you! You're one of our strongest warriors! What would we do without our – "

"Let me stop you there, Tony," Bruce said, fighting to throw off Tony's arm. "I really don't think I should go, can't I just stay here and finish my book?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Tony admonished him, he and Steve both taking hold of one of Bruce's arms and together steered him down the stairs and towards the garage, ignoring Bruce's half-hearted protests. "Just go with it, Bruce – no need getting worked up about it. It'll be fun!"

Loki followed them at a distance of a few feet, cape rustling majestically behind him, face impassive as ever. _I can do this, _he kept telling himself, pursing his lips. _This will be an enjoyable afternoon. I will not lose my temper and shatter anybody's kneecaps today. I will try not to conquer the pitiful human race, no matter how much they beg me to take the throne. I can do this._


	3. Chapter 3

It took a good twenty minutes, but eventually all eight of them were inexplicably crammed into one of Tony's roomier sports cars.

They had somehow ended up in the following formation: Tony was sitting smugly in the driver's seat, next to a rather tense looking Bruce who had a mortified Clint perched uncomfortably on his knee.

In the back, the two Norse gods were positioned as bookends, Thor seeming quite delighted and oblivious to the difficulties of the other inhabitants of the vehicle. Squished against the opposite window to the right, Loki's expression was of someone who was vaguely miffed, as if they hated everything but were too disinterested in the happenings of the world to give a crap. Both were wearing their large, traditional Asgardian cloaks, despite the heat of the August day.

Pressed up against Loki's left side was an extremely pissed-off looking Natasha, who seemed very displeased about the whole situation. She alternately sent poisonous glares to Loki and to Peter, who was sitting on her left, in the center of the leather back seat. He had pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and was sitting with his arms crossed and head down, sulking like the moody teenager that he was. Steve was positioned between Peter and Thor, and kept glancing around the overcrowded vehicle with a vaguely worried expression on his kind face. Thor's hammer, Clint's bow and quiver, and Steve's shield were all stuffed into the trunk. (Tony had decided it wasn't worth trying to explain to them that real weapons were not required for the sport of laser tagging.)

To their knowledge, the seating arrangement process went something like this:

Tony refused to let anybody else drive his beloved vehicles; so naturally, he got the driver's seat. Thor boldly requested a seat by the window, while Clint and Natasha argued about who got to sit in the front, as they were the only ones who knew where this laser tag place was. Knives were about to get involved when Tony had asked loudly, "So, who wants to sit next to Loki?"

The whole group had fallen deadly silent, all turning in unison to stare at Loki, who was standing off to the side. He silently raised an eyebrow at them.

Then, without warning, the bickering had broken out louder than ever. Only broken bits of conversation could be distinguished from the chatter, such as Natasha's shrill screams of "I don't care, I'm not sitting next to _him_!" or Clint's whines of "Tony, can't you just give me one more chance at the wheel? Come _on_…" or Steve's assertion of "Guys, we are not setting a good example for Peter!" Peter was shouting eagerly, "Can I sit next to Loki?" which was followed by a roar of "NO"s from Steve, Tony, and Tasha.

And above all of this, Thor could be heard announcing "I WOULD LIKE TO ONCE MORE STATE MY REQUEST FOR A SEAT ADJACENT TO ONE OF YOUR TRANSPARENT PANES OF GLASS AS TO BETTER OBSERVE THE BOUNTIFUL NATURE OF MIDGARD FOR THE DURATION OF THE JOURNEY."

With all six Avengers, plus a young trainee and a god's evil adopted brother, crammed into a tiny expensive sports car, it came to no surprise to anyone when Tony texted Pepper upon their arrival at the laser tag arena, asking her to have another car dropped off for the journey back.

* * *

**Author's Note: Don't worry - details of the trip in the next chapter, I promise!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: This is by far my favourite chapter. I hope you all are amused by it as much as I still am :D**

* * *

The journey there started off innocently enough – Steve chatted with Natasha about some conspiracy in Tibet they had heard rumours about, as Peter listened to their conversation curiously. Eventually, the small amount of conversation died down and the interior of the car fell into a sort of comfortable silence, people mostly gazing out the windows or resting with their eyes closed.

Loki was absently drumming his fingertips on the inside of his car door, tapping out an irregular rhythm that only sounded vaguely musical. It was the only sound in the car except for the gentle whir of the engine.

That is, until Natasha finally snapped.

"Can you stop?" she barked, scarlet curls swinging as she whipped her head around to glare at Loki.

Loki's hand stilled, and he regarded her with an expression of innocent surprise.

"Me?"

Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Yes, you."

Loki stared at her, his hand poised over the plastic of the door, hesitating.

"Stop what?" he asked, testing her. Every other occupant of the car internally winced, bracing themselves for the tornado that they knew was swiftly approaching.

"You know perfectly well _what_," she sneered. "That infuriating tapping! You're not the only one in this car, you know."

"I am all too aware of that fact. _Especially when one of them is an angry Russian cat who won't stop hissing in my ear_."

"You're one to talk," Natasha hissed, indeed sounding uncannily like an angry cat. "Tapping your claws like that on the window."

Steve, sensing the obvious danger in their fiery glares, cleared his throat.

"I spy…something blue," Steve said loudly, peering out the window.

"Oh! I love this Earth game!" Thor cried. "Captain, do you spy…that road sign?"

Steve shook his head proudly.

"Nope."

Thor scratched his head in concentration, which was a difficult feat to accomplish without elbowing Steve in the face in the packed car.

"Do you spy…that vehicle?"

"It's the sky, Thor," Tony intoned in a bored voice from the front.

Steve gaped at Tony.

"How did you – "

"Steve, I think you have to be prepared for that sort of pathetic defeat when you pick the same thing for 'I Spy' every time we're in the car."

Steve relapsed into a gloomy silence after that.

Several minutes later, Thor discovered the small switch next to his door handle that controlled his window. He pulled the switch toward him and the window lowered about six inches. Entranced, Thor pushed forward on the switch and the window began to ascend. He stopped it right before it closed completely, and then lowered it all the way. The wind whipped at his luxurious blonde hair as Thor raised the window an inch, then stopped. One more inch, then stopped. One more inch –

"CAN YOU CUT THAT OUT?!" Clint screeched, whirling around from where he was still sitting rather awkwardly on the edge of Bruce's knee to glare at Thor, one eye nearly twitching. From the front seat, with his plethora of buttons and controls, Tony wordlessly prodded a switch, and Thor's window closed by itself. Thor looked disappointed, but simply sighed heavily and leaned back in his seat, returning Clint's glare before gazing absent-mindedly through the window again.

"Um, Tony?" Steve squeaked in an uncharacteristically high voice. "Can we maybe have the window open for a bit? I don't feel very good…"

Tony jumped violently, his fingers scrabbling for the switch to open Thor's window again.

The moment the window lowered and the wind whipped into the car once again, Bruce sighed through clenched teeth.

"Can we please close the window? The noise is giving me a headache..."

Clint jumped, eyes widening in terror.

"Close the window, Tony, close it now, Tony…!"

Peter was eyeing Steve, who was faintly green, with apprehension.

"Do you think we could open all of the windows? Like now? Come on, dude, please don't puke on me…"

Clint was growing increasingly agitated as he watched Bruce, who seemed mere moments away from turning green himself.

"CLOSE THE WINDOW! CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT – "

"But…my car…" Tony protested, sending backward glances to where Steve had his eyes closed and was concentrating on inhaling deep lungfuls of cool air.

"_BUT MY ARMS ARE GOING TO BE RIPPED OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS, AND I DON'T WANT THAT, TONY, I REALLY DON'T!"_

Tony jerked the car to a halt at the red light, and Clint went flying forward onto the dashboard, smashing his face into the windshield and nearly kicking Bruce in the face. Bruce swiped him away with a snarl, and Clint curled up as small as he could in the space next to Bruce's feet.

"Uh oh…guys…"

Bruce's breathing was becoming heavier, and the veins were standing out on his neck. Tony quickly rolled up the back window, despite the not-quite-recovered Steve between Thor and Peter.

"I don't wanna diee-ee-eee-ee…" Clint sobbed, his arms wrapped tightly around his shins as he tried to inch further under the dashboard, away from Bruce, whose fists were slowly clenching and unclenching.

Tony reached over with one hand, still trying to focus his attention on weaving in and out of traffic as he did so, and gingerly patted Bruce's head.

"Does that usually work?" Peter asked curiously, leaning forward to get a better look.

"I don't know; he's usually not trapped in a car crammed with idiots!" Tony yelled, frantically stroking the side of Bruce's face. "Can somebody else do this? I think there's probably a law somewhere about calming a seething giant while driving…"

Peter leaned forward to pat Bruce's head, but Steve and Natasha both pulled him back with a hand on his arm, yelling "Not you!"

Peter crossed his arms over his chest again and slouched down, grumbling, "You guys never let me do _anything_…"

"STOP TOUCHING ME!" Bruce screamed with a thunderous growl when Loki reached around the seat to offer a gentle pat on the right side of his head. Clint whimpered nervously from where he was curled up at the front of the car.

Everybody else in the car, with the exception of Peter, who was busy sulking, and Thor, who was staring quite blissfully out the window, turned to glare at Loki.

"I was just trying to help," he mumbled, before crossing his arms and assuming a stance not unlike Peter's.

Tony reached over to the radio and quickly began searching for a classical music station, which was far from his taste but likely to help Bruce calm down.

When Tony finally found a classical station, it was in the middle of Beethoven's 5th symphony, which even he knew. Thor's attention was drawn from the scenery outside the window for the first time the whole trip.

"This Earth music…it pleases me," he declared, and began to sway back and forth to it. On the other side of the car, Loki buried his face in his hands. How did it take him that many years to realise that he wasn't actually related to this idiot?

Steve immediately recognised the symphony (it wasn't often that he recognised the music playing in Tony's car) and began to hum along to it. Thor threw his arm around Steve's shoulders and they both swayed, Thor attempting to sing along as well, but having no knowledge of the tune and ending up _very_ off pitch.

Steve threw his arm around Peter's shoulders, who initially looked scandalized, but then with a cry of "Oh, what the hell," joined in, grinning. He threw his arm around Natasha's shoulders, who scowled at him.

"Come on, Tash, sing it!" Peter cried. She attempted to throw his arm off her shoulder but failed, as there was barely any room to shift in the backseat to begin with. So she was forced to sit and sway with them, flinching every time they swayed to the right and she was forced to press closer to Loki, who didn't look very thrilled about the contact, either.

It was a wonder that they managed to sway at all, given that their legs were all numb because they haven't been able to move them for so long.

At this point, even Bruce seemed to be enjoying himself, and had calmed down nearly back to his normal collected self. Clint had even unfolded himself enough to sit up on the edge of the passenger seat, perched between Bruce and Tony. He began playing an imaginary violin, nearly punching Tony in the face as his imaginary bow was drawn dramatically over imaginary strings.

"Okay, okay, that's enough!" Tony yelled, hitting the power button on the radio. This was followed by a loud response of _Awwwwww…_'s, a few _Come on, Tony!_'s, a shout of _I AM DISPLEASED BY THE CEASING OF THIS EARTH MUSIC_, and a couple of relieved sighs from Natasha and Loki's corner of the vehicle.

"If we're going to have the radio on, it's going to be on one of my presets, got it?" Tony glared at them all in the rearview mirror. There was a general grumbling of assent, and Tony hit a couple of buttons on the radio.

"_Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"_

The effect was instantaneous.

By the time the word "fantasy" floated out of the speakers, every member of the car was singing along. Yes, that includes Loki, Thor, and Steve. The Asgardians had spent enough time on Earth to know this song by heart, and this was one of the only semi-modern songs Steve knew.

This was because when Tony bought Steve a black iPod classic the previous Christmas, full of music Tony _insisted_ Steve had to know to survive in the modern world (mainly classic rock), Steve had gotten hopelessly confused, pressing various buttons until he somehow managed to get Bohemian Rhapsody stuck on full-volume repeat with no idea how to fix it. But Steve continued to listen to it, both so Tony wouldn't feel bad if Steve didn't use his gift, and so Tony wouldn't make fun of him for not knowing how to use it.

Eventually, the battery ran out, Steve, utterly baffled as to why it had stopped working, left the iPod sitting abandoned on his dresser. But that didn't stop him from knowing every word of this song.

Miraculously, they fell easily into the harmonies – Thor and Steve sang the lowest notes, while Tony, Clint, and Bruce helped out in the middle, leaving Peter, Loki, and Natasha to pull out their best falsettos.

"_Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me…"_

Clint took the liberty of miming the piano solo as Bruce conducted him.

By the time they reached the middle of the song, the car had split into two groups – left and right – and they turned to face each other as they sang.

"_Easy come, easy go – will you let me go," _Clint, Bruce, Natasha, and Lokirequested of Thor, Steve, Peter, and Tony, who retorted with "_Bismillah! No – we will not let you go!"_

"_Let him go!"_

"_Bismillah! No – we will not let you go!"_

No one was quite sure who had managed to hit the highest note on the final "_For me!"_, but at that point it didn't even matter. That moment was proceeded by a wonderful imitation of Wayne's World – which was fantastic, seeing as about half of the population of the vehicle had never seen the movie.

All eight of them simultaneously began playing invisible guitars at that point – while singing along with the guitar solo, of course – while banging their heads and whipping their hair up and down. The effect was particularly fabulous with Thor, whose lush golden locks kept hitting Steve in the face as he whipped his head back (luckily, Steve was in a good enough mood to not mind in the slightest). On the contrary, Loki's long, black hair didn't seem to move at all – it stayed perfectly slicked back and hanging down the back of his neck as he banged his head.

As the music slowed at the end of the song, the group was very emotional, putting their hearts into the song and really giving it all they had up until the final words.

"_Any way the wind blows…"_

Natasha would swear she saw Loki wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, but this has not yet been proven.

What _did_ definitely happen, however, was Clint throwing his arms out to his sides, smacking Tony in the face as he did so, and crying "I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH."

There was a general chorus of "I LOVE YOU TOO, MAN." and a couple "CLIIIIINT"'s, before the moment went from being heartfelt and emotional to slightly uncomfortable. Everybody cleared their throats and turned to casually gaze out the window.

The high from Bohemian Rhapsody had almost completely worn off when Clint suddenly spoke.

"Yellow car."

Everybody groaned.

"Not this again…" Tony mumbled.

"What's 'yellow car'?" Loki demanded, looking around at all of them.

"When you see a yellow car, you say 'yellow car'," Steve explained.

"It's the world's most idiotic game," Tasha said, rolling her eyes.

"And Barton always wins," Tony added with a scowl.

"There's a reason they call me Hawkeye, bro," Clint replied offhandedly.

"I find it enjoyable," Thor announced, before turning to Loki. "Brother, have you never played the game called 'Yellow Car'?"

"You're not my real brother," said Loki huffily as he crossed his arms and slouched down in his seat.

"Bro. Don't be such a whiny bitch," Clint said, turning around and leaning over Bruce's shoulder to look at Loki. "You got left behind, and you got to grow up in a magical castle in space. I got picked up by a travelling circus. Do you know how much I envy you?"

Loki didn't reply, but only continued sulking.

A good five minutes of silence followed where everybody gazed fixedly out the windows at the passing cars, determined to see a yellow car before Clint did.

"Are we there yet?" Peter asked unexpectedly, breaking the silence. This prompted a chorus of _Yeah, Tony, are we there yet? Are we? Are we? _and even a _HAVE WE HITHERTO ARRIVED AT OUR DESTINATION?_

Tony slammed his hands on the steering wheel, whipped off his sunglasses (which flew out of his hand and managed to hit Clint squarely in the eye) and swiveled around to stare at them all in the backseat.

"WE WILL GET THERE. WHEN WE GET THERE."

His eyes were wide and bloodshot, and he looked absolutely mad. Everybody hung their heads and guiltily refused to meet his gaze.

Tony swiveled his head to stare at the scenery around the car.

"Christ, Barton, where are we _going?_ Are you sure this is the right way?"

"Yes," Clint grumbled, rubbing his injured eye crossly.

Tony looked out the window again. It appeared that they were in the middle of a cornfield. When he rolled down the window and poked his head out, they could hear a cow mooing somewhere in the distance.

"Are you _positive –_ "

"_Yes_."

"I'm not even sure we're still in California! I mean – "

"_Stark."_

"Can't I just use my GPS – "

"JUST DRIVE, STARK. I WILL GET US THERE."

Tony rolled his eyes, but continued driving obediently through the endless expanse of corn.

"Next time, I'm using my GPS. At least it doesn't give me attitude."

Eventually, the cornfield disappeared, and they found themselves on an actual road with actual buildings and genuine traffic once again. Clint directed Tony to a small, nondescript building positioned next to a movie theater. No sooner had the car pulled into a parking spot when all four of the car doors flew open and the eight of them piled out, raising their hands to the sky and breathing in the fresh air. Clint dropped to his hands and knees and kissed the pavement. Steve and Thor retreated to the trunk of the car to retrieve their shield and helmet.

Tony immediately pulled out his phone to text Pepper, asking her to have another car dropped off for the way home.

"I am _never_ going through that again," Tony growled to Steve, stuffing his phone back into his pocket as they followed Clint and Tasha into the building.

"Really? I thought it was kind of fun. Teambuilding, you know," Steve replied happily.

Tony stared at him for a moment before simply shaking his head and walking into the building.


	5. Chapter 5

Once their large group had piled through the doors, Tony made to march up to the main desk, but Clint stopped him.

"I've got this," Clint said, pushing lightly past Tony and walking forward to lean on the counter as he spoke in hushed tones with the receptionist.

Natasha shrugged indifferently as she swept past Tony to join Clint at the desk.

"He knows people."

After a few exchanges, the woman at the counter nodded, shaking Clint's outstretched hand. Clint walked smugly back to their group.

"We're on for the game starting in five minutes. Payment's already taken care of."

"Did we get the discount?" Steve inquired eagerly.

Clint stared at him blankly for a moment, before beginning to nod slowly.

"Yeah, sure, Steve…We got the discount, yeah."

Steve looked rather pleased.

An assistant approached them hesitantly, biting her lip.

"I'm sorry, but there are certain items not permitted in the laser tag arena," she told them. "We can keep your personal items in this room for you, it's just that for security reasons…For example, you two won't be able to wear your cloaks into the arena, I'm sorry…"

Thor obediently took off his cape, handing it to the woman, who nearly collapsed with the sudden weight of red fabric.

"Sir?" she said to Loki, who hadn't moved, but was looking alternately indignant and hesitant. With a sigh, he pulled off his green flowing cape, dropping it into the assistant's arms, whose knees buckled before she regained her balance and she went to pile them in the back room.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to have to take those, too…No food allowed, you see…" she added, walking up to Loki and prying the box of Wild-licious Wild Strawberry Pop-Tarts out of his hands, which he was holding behind his back in a feeble attempt to hide them from his brother. Loki looked sheepishly at the ground as Thor's face fell, before turning outraged.

"Brother, you have stolen from me, your own kin?!" he cried, rounding on him, hammer clutched in his fist.

The assistant tiptoed up to him and attempted to take the hammer from him with some mutterings of "Sorry, sir…" The hammer fell from Thor's grip and thudded to the floor, taking the assistant with it. Thor grabbed the hammer and tossed it down on top of his cloak, before returning to his brother, looking both furious and utterly disappointed.

"I was going to ally with you for the duration of this battle, brother, but if I cannot even trust you with so simple a matter as delicious toaster strudels, then I cannot trust you as my fellow warrior," Thor said coldly, turning his back on Loki. "I suppose it makes sense now…the fact that you're…_adopted."_

"_Ooooooh…" _Clint said, at the same time Peter went "Oh no he _did-n't!"_

"Cheap shot, bro, cheap shot…" Tasha muttered, as Tony laughed unashamedly.

Loki's eyes grew wide as his face fell, and Steve began to think he looked like a lost puppy before the frost giant's face hardened and he whirled on the assistant (after wisely deciding not to try attacking his brother, an Asgardian god, while in the lobby of a laser tag facility). The assistant was trying in vain to fold the capes, which were trapped under Thor's hammer.

"You!" he snarled, marching up to her. "You turned my own brother against me!"

She gulped, backing up further into the storage room, eyes widening in poorly disguised terror. Yeah, they got the occasional weirdo in this place, but this guy was downright _scary_. Needed a haircut, too…

Steve edged forward and tentatively put a hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Loki? Leave the nice woman alone, she didn't do anything to harm you…"

Loki whirled on Steve now, to the assistant's great relief, who skirted past the two men to disappear through a door marked "Employees Only."

"She most certainly did!" Loki shrieked, taking a step closer to Steve.

"No, she didn't," Steve retorted in that commanding yet calm voice that only he seemed able to master. "This is between you and Thor. And you two can fight it out or whatever you do once you get back to Asgard, I don't care, but no innocent people are going to be dragged into this. Do you understand?"

Loki didn't respond, his face impassive. Steve sighed and returned to the rest of the group.

Another employee came over to assist them, this one a burly male who still looked tiny in comparison to Steve and Thor.

"Sir, I'll need to take your shield," he said to Steve, who handed it over with some reluctance.

The man also confiscated Peter's web shooters and Thor's helmet before allowing them to enter the arena. The large, flashing door opened into a smaller room, lit by black lights, whose inhabitants included a young blonde woman giving instructions to a group of children, most of them around ten years old, who were struggling into large bulky vests with plastic guns in the pockets.

Tony scanned their group quickly, before ducking out of the door and reappearing a moment later, this time clutching Bruce's wrist and dragging the scientist in behind him. His protests died down when the heavy door shut behind them, immediately darkening the room that was only lit with the peculiar neon lighting.

The employee seemed to lose her train of thought for a moment when the heroes filed in, before she shook her head slightly and continued to explain the rules.

"…Remember, no physical violence, like punching, kicking, or shoving, only use the laser guns provided…"

"Then what's the point?" Loki whispered, confused.

"The point, Frosty, is to _win_," Tony said as he pulled the black vest over his shoulders.

Clint and Natasha already had their vests fastened and their guns out, ready for action. Thor was having some difficulty strapping the vest over his massive chest. It didn't help that he kept getting distracted by the effects of the lighting.

"Tony! Tony, your teeth! They glow like the summer moon!" Thor kept proclaiming as he grabbed Tony's face with both hands. He was asked by the employee in charge more than once to please stay quiet while instructions are being given.

Naturally, none of them paid attention to the rules, but only waited apprehensively until that woman's talking finally ceased and she stepped aside with a flourish and an enthusiastic "Enjoy the game!" as part of the wall behind her slid backwards, and the Avengers assembled for battle.


	6. Chapter 6

The herd of children immediately sprinted through the door like a pack of wolves, many of them yelling what could most accurately be described as battle cries as they disappeared into the depths within. The heroes followed more slowly as they entered. It was relatively dark, with neon lights of various colours lighting up strategically placed walls and ramps that created a sort of maze.

Tony immediately flagged down Steve.

"Yo, Rogers! You're on my team," he yelled, not bothering to wait for a reply before grabbing his arm and pulling him off to the side. Steve shrugged, but seemed rather pleased to be wanted at all, nevertheless.

"Who else, do you think?" Tony muttered, scoping out the remainder of the group for potential teammates.

"Well, I would say Clint and Natasha, but they seem to have run off already…"

"They'd have refused, anyway," Tony said, nodding.

"How about Peter? He seems promising," Steve suggested.

Tony seemed to agree. He waved his gun over his head, standing on his toes to see over the gaggle of superheroes (and Loki) still milling about near the entrance. Steve bit his tongue to keep himself from making a crack about Tony's height. Tony made fun of him often enough, but Steve wasn't keen on playing his first game of laser tag without any allies and with Tony Stark as an enemy.

"Parker! Wanna join us?" Tony was yelling.

The dark-haired teenager met Tony's eye and grinned, giving them a thumbs up.

Tony smiled brightly, turning to Steve.

"You know, I think this is the first time my team's actually got a fighting chance," he said. "If we could recruit one more solid player…What about Thor? He shows some potential…"

But Peter, who was approaching Tony and Steve, shook his head gravely.

"He's gone off with Clint and Tasha. They seem to think he's got some potential, too."

Tony's face fell, his spirits obviously crushed.

"I've been trying to get on their team for months! They are _so_ going down…"

"What about Loki?" Peter asked, glancing over to where Loki was standing, alone once again, clutching his laser gun rather uncertainly. "Come on, Tony, he's probably a natural at it!"

Tony rolled his eyes, but found it rather difficult to refuse Peter when his big brown eyes were making the teenager look like a baby deer.

"Fine," he grumbled, but Peter was already sprinting over towards the god.

"Hey, Loki!" he cried, grinning in excitement. "Wanna be on our team?"

Loki, looking genuinely surprised, glanced over to where Tony was standing with a bitter expression, and Steve looking apologetic on his friend's behalf.

"Yes…Yes, I would," Loki said, a startled sort of smile appearing on his normally cold face.

"Awesome!" Peter cried, running over and holding up his palm for a high five, to which Loki looked baffled but raised his hand as well, holding it motionless near his jaw. Peter, amused, slapped his hand. "Okay, so, for a start, you hold your gun the _other_ way around…"

Tony groaned, burying his face in his hands. Steve, however, marched up to face their newest recruit.

"Soldier!" he cried, standing with the impeccable posture of a military man. Loki looked stunned to be addressed thus.

"Excuse me?" he said, a bit of his attitude creeping out again. But Steve stood his ground.

"If you're going to be fighting alongside us, you are a soldier. We are all soldiers, fighting for a common goal. Do you understand?"

Loki simply gaped at him. Steve regarded him deliberately.

"If you can't accept your position, then you are free to go. If you would like to fight with us, embrace your position as our equal and stand proudly!"

To Peter and Tony's utter surprise, Loki's posture immediately straightened in an imitation Steve's. He inclined his head slightly in respect, which was definitely not the American custom, but Steve let it go.

Steve turned and marched back to his stunned teammates, a self-satisfied little smile on his lips.

"_How did you do that?!" _they mouthed at him, but Steve only shrugged.

"The only reason he turned and tried to take over the Earth is because he wants to be accepted," Steve explained in hushed tones. "When no one would accept him, he had to force others to respect him. I just tried offering him our respect in the best way I knew how…"

Tony shook his head.

"Who knew we had a psychologist on our team?"

Steve smiled, glancing back to where Loki was standing with his gun tucked, still backwards, under his arm.

"Peter, why don't you go do a quick training session with him?" Steve suggested.

"You gottit." Peter approached Loki and began to show him how exactly to use his laser gun.

"Seriously, though, that was pretty impressive, Rogers," Tony was saying to Steve. "Of course, you could have tried that _before_ he tried to destroy New York City this summer, but – "

Tony's words were cut off when his vest began vibrating and lighting up, and he looked around wildly for the enemy. But instead of spotting a ten-year-old kid, like he expected, his eyes fell on a laughing Peter, who was helping a pleased-looking Loki position his gun, which was incidentally pointed directly at Tony.

"Yeah, _that's_ how you shoot the gun," Peter was telling Loki, still laughing. "Next, though, we should work on your aim…"

However, Tony was not very lenient for their newest teammate. He raised his gun, pointing it straight at Loki's chest, and fired, smirking in satisfaction when Loki's vest began to blink and vibrate.

"Come on, Tony, he didn't mean to…" Peter said, looking disappointed.

Loki sent Tony a scathing glare, the hurt evident on his pale, thin, face, before whirling and stalking off down one of the flashing corridors.

"Loki, wait!" Peter yelled after him, but the frost giant did not emerge. Peter looked at Tony with a stony expression. "Tony, you're a moron."

"Oh come on, he was asking for it!" Tony cried, but Steve cut him off with a raised hand.

"Tony, you are a moron," Steve agreed, "But now is not the time for this. We have a battle to fight, and there's no more time for deliberation. We still have three strong soldiers left, and we have a good chance of emerging victorious."

"Hell yeah we do," Tony said, as Peter pretended to clap politely for Steve's speech.

"So we are going to go out there, and we are going to _win_!"

The three of them raised their guns high over their heads and hollered. Steve bravely led the way down the brightly flashing corridor ahead of them to their inevitable defeat.


	7. Chapter 7

Bruce was leaning up against one of the walls around the corner from the entrance of the arena. When everyone else had either congregated right inside the door or sprinted off into the flashing depths of the maze, he had slipped into one of the more deserted corridors, not eager to become involved. Especially with this group – everyone was so competitive, and Bruce could barely make himself a sandwich without somebody challenging him these days.

Clint and Natasha would beat your ass into the ground quickly enough, and then leave you alone with your pain, at least, but Tony would insult and trash-talk you, even after you had thrown your gun down in defeat and declared surrender. And there was no way in hell Bruce was going to deal with that today.

Bruce was just wishing he had been able to smuggle his book into the car past Tony when he realised he wasn't alone in the corridor. A small, skinny boy who Bruce would estimate around nine years old was standing a few feet down, gun tucked neatly into the pocket in the vest that was far too big for him and arms hanging limply by his sides.

"Hey," Bruce said, and the boy jumped, his glasses sliding a bit down his nose. He hadn't realised there was someone else in the hallway.

"Hi," he said shyly, pushing a bit of his dark hair out of his eyes. "Do you work here?"

Bruce smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah. I'm a scientist. My friends made me come laser tagging with them, even though I'd rather be at home reading my book…" Bruce sighed wistfully.

"Me too!" the kid cried. "Well, I'm not a scientist. Not yet. Maybe when I grow up. But Jimmy invited us all to go and my mom said it would be fun, but I don't wanna shoot people with guns. I wanna finish reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. What book are you reading?"

Bruce smiled grimly.

"The Application of Physics in the Modern World. More interesting than it sounds, I can assure you."

"Oh. Cool." The boy took a couple of steps closer to Bruce, obviously not so intimidated by the scientist anymore. "What's your name?"

"Bruce," he replied, holding out his large, tanned hand for the boy to shake. "What about you?"

"I'm Will," the boy said, hesitantly shaking Bruce's hand with his small, pale one.

"Hey, Will. Nice to meet you."

"Thanks," Will replied, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, his legs curled beneath him.

"Can I sit with you?" Bruce asked, and Will nodded, smiling.

Bruce lowered himself to sit next to his new friend, leaning back against the wall.

"So, Will, you want to be a scientist?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Or maybe…" His voice trailed off bashfully near the end and he blushed.

"What is it?" Bruce asked curiously.

"Well…Jimmy made fun of me when I told him. He said it was stupid. So I think I'll just try to be a scientist."

"Your dreams are never stupid," Bruce told Will, looking at him seriously. "I promise I won't make fun of you."

"Um…I thought it would be awesome if I could be a superhero someday, like Captain America, or the Hulk!" Will said, blushing furiously.

"Hey, kid, that's a great dream!" Bruce said encouragingly. "Maybe you'll even get to do both. You never know, do you?"

"No," Will agreed, looking rather relived that Bruce didn't laugh at him. "But I'm not good enough at fighting to be a superhero. I don't like hurting people."

"That doesn't mean you can't help people," Bruce said sensibly.

"How would I fight bad guys, though?" Will asked. "If I don't like to hurt people and I'm not good at fighting?"

Bruce reached over and tapped the top of Will's head lightly. When Will looked at him quizzically, Bruce explained.

"You're a smart kid. I bet you can think your way out of any problem thrown at you. Or, if not, then sometimes you can do enough to defend yourself, even if that's a little harder to control sometimes."

Will was looking considerably happier now.

"I'm still really bad at laser tag, though…" he said, a small smile on his face nevertheless.

"Hey, I'll bet you that a lot of superheroes aren't great at laser tag," Bruce said, grinning.

"Really?" Will asked, face brightening.

"Yeah," Bruce replied. "I bet there are even some who would rather sit here with a cool kid like you instead of shooting people with fake guns."

"Yeah, I bet you're right," Will said, nodding earnestly in agreement. "He would be the coolest superhero in the world."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: If I didn't get a chance to thank you personally for reviewing, I'd just like to have an overall shout out to all of you who deserve a huge thanks. You're all brilliant.**

* * *

"Steve, what are you doing?! We're going to lose if you don't even shoot!"

Tony was frantic by now, considerably frustrated by the outcome of their last battle against a group of children. Peter had managed to snipe out most of them from his hiding spot somewhere on the ceiling, and Tony and Steve were left to take out the last four. However, when Tony leaped out to attack, Steve had hung back with that signature disapproving _Steve_ look on his face. This left Tony to be shot down quickly, and the kids ran away in triumph.

"But…they're just innocent children!" Steve protested, appalled. "I can't _shoot_ them!"

"They're fake guns, Steve."

"I realize that," Steve replied, frowning. "But the moral principle is still – "

"They're coming!" Tony interrupted him sharply, peeking around the corner at another approaching team of children.

"I'm not shooting a poor little kid," Steve insisted stubbornly. Tony shrugged, as if to say _It's your loss._

The four boys were running down the hallway when Tony leapt out and began shooting wildly at them, taking the boys by surprise. Tony managed to hit one of them on the shoulder, but the others dodged his hasty attacks. One of them took aim and shot Tony directly in the chest, and Tony's vest began blinking and vibrating.

Instead of taking the opportunity to flee, the kid stayed where he was, his friends standing behind him. They all pointed and laughed at Tony, whose gun was still stalled from when he was hit.

"Ha! You're a grown-up and you're stupid!"

"You suck at laser tag! Haha!"

Tony didn't even have time to come up with a snarky retort before Steve marched out from around the corner, poised with his gun like a true soldier. Without any hesitation, he shot each of the taunting children squarely on the left shoulder with his laser.

Their vests buzzed and blinked angrily, and the boys glanced down at them in shock, before raising their wide-eyed gaze slowly up to the huge, muscular figure in the shadows in front of them. With that final moment of mindless terror, the children fled, teasing of the lame adult completely forgotten.

The children were barely out of sight when Steve was at Tony's side where he was leaning against the wall at the spot where the children had cornered him.

"Tony! Are you alright?!"

"Steve, it's a weak beam of light, not a lead bullet. So, yeah, I'm fine."

"Just checking." Steve rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed. "They were horrible."

Tony nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. That one kid had a pretty lucky shot, but the rest of their aim was absolutely shameful – "

"I meant the taunting," Steve interrupted Tony. "The verbal abuse. Especially after you're already down on the ground and defenseless…"

"Okay, first of all, I was not _down on the ground_ or _defenseless._ But that doesn't matter, because _you_, my friend – " Tony clapped Steve on the shoulder. " – Did brilliantly."

Steve smiled wryly.

"I only wish someone had stood up for me way back when, that's all."

"Well, in any case, that was magnificent shooting, Captain. Phenomenal. If you can keep that up, I think we might even stand a chance against Clint and Natasha."

"I don't know about that," Steve laughed. "A few more teams of malicious children, maybe, but I don't know if I'm ready to face Tasha when she's in her element."


	9. Chapter 9

Loki stormed down another twisting hallway, clutching his laser gun in his fist, face livid with fury. How _dare_ Tony Stark brutally attack him like that! They had an alliance, and he had been stupid enough to place his trust in such an unreliable, vindictive maniac?

And now Loki was alone, without any sort of team to aid him in his path to victory. _But maybe it was better that way,_ Loki thought, fingering the trigger on his laser gun thoughtfully. This way, he wouldn't have to share the bounty of his conquest with any unworthy peasants. But, as powerful a warrior as Loki obviously was, how was he supposed to defeat the Avengers again, as well as a gigantic army of children?

Wait…That was it. _Army._

Loki stopped directly in the middle of the corridor, his face spreading into a wicked grin. A little kid who was running through the space turned to shoot the weird grown-up who was stupidly standing there alone, but as soon as he glimpsed Loki's maniac expression, he fled quickly in terror. Loki hadn't seen the child, however; he was too immersed in his own sudden realization.

Loki spotted a short child with cropped brown hair and wearing a Star Wars t-shirt who was hunched in a nearby corner with his gun pointed defensively out in front of him.

"You, young human!" Loki called grandly. "How would you like to accept my hand in alliance?"

The kid stared at him blankly.

"What does _that_ mean?"

"It means, child, that you, too, shall bask in the glory of my victory!"

The kid stood up, shrugging, not having any idea what this weird guy in the cape was going on about.

"Sure. Sounds cool."

Loki's grin widened.

"Excellent. Go gather your comrades, and I shall lead you onward to victory!"


	10. Chapter 10

Tony crouched behind a short wall as several children ran past, hollering nonsensically and waving their guns in the air.

"Where the hell did Steve go?" he muttered to himself, risking a peek over the low wall and glancing around for any sign of the tall blonde. They had been separated during the last battle with a particularly vicious group of children, and now Tony was alone, hunched defensively in a corner. It would be nothing short of suicide to risk journeying alone in this place.

Tony's phone began buzzing insistently in his pocket. He pulled it out, glancing at the screen, which was announcing that he had a "Call from Steve."

Wait – he had a call from Steve?

From _Steve?_

Tony answered the call promptly.

"Steve?!"

"Tony?" Steve's voice sounded rather muffled, as though he wasn't sure how to hold the phone correctly.

"Steve, did you just call me? By yourself?"

"Yes," Steve replied, sounding rather awestruck at himself. "Tony, I did it! I actually did it!"

"Steve, I can't even begin to tell you how proud of you I am right now, but we need to find each other. It's dangerous to be alone in here."

"I'm downstairs in the far corner to the left of the entrance – Where are you?"

"Not far – Stay there, I'll find you."

"You got it."

Tony hung up, smiling and shaking his head as he sped up the narrow corridor, luckily devoid of children, and rounded a couple of tight corners before spotting Steve, who was positioned warily in the corner (presumably so he could see anyone sneaking up on him), looking very much like the soldier he was with his gun tucked under his shoulder, ready to shoot. He swiveled sharply as he spotted Tony out of the corner of his eye, before he recognised his friend and his face broke into a wide smile.

"Tony! I can't believe it, I actually did it…!"

Tony marched over and gave Steve a high five, also grinning broadly.

"Knew you had it in you, Cap. "

At that moment, a small group of five or six kids ran by, huddled closely together, not even noticing Tony or Steve as all of their vest vibrated and blinked red. A couple of them were shaking slightly, and one boy's eye was even twitching.

"What happened there?" Tony asked, before he and Steve looked at each other, both of them nodding in comprehension.

"Clint and Tasha," they said together, rolling their eyes and smiling grimly in understanding.

"Should have known," Tony laughed. "It's a shame, rea – AUGH!"

Tony had leapt backwards with a shout of surprise, nearly knocking Steve to the floor in his moment of terror. The cause of this outburst was in the form of a sheepishly grinning Peter, who had just dropped down from the ceiling directly in front of an unsuspecting Tony Stark.

"Jesus, Peter, you've got to stop doing that!" Tony cried, one hand over his arc reactor, trying to bring his breathing back to normal.

"Sorry," Peter muttered, looking at the ground to avoid catching Steve's eye. He didn't think Tony would appreciate it very much if they both burst into untamed giggles at his expense.

"Anyway, Peter, we were just about to discuss our battle strategy," Steve said. "I was thinking – "

But Peter cut him off with a raise of his hand, biting his lower lip hesitantly. Tony and Steve both regarded him with slightly confused expressions.

"There's been, well, a slight change in circumstances," Peter told them.

"Why? What's happened?" Tony asked urgently.

"It's Loki," Peter replied softly.

"Of course it is," Tony and Steve said together.

"What's he done this time?" Steve asked.

"I'm not sure yet…" Peter replied, "But something is definitely off. Don't you guys see it? Where have all the rest of the kids gone? Why is it so _quiet_?"

Steve and Tony went silent as they considered Peter's words. He was right – Where _had_ all the devious children gone? And what could Loki possibly be plotting this time?

"Watch out!" Tony yelled suddenly as he glimpsed movement over Peter's shoulder. Clint and Natasha emerged from behind a wall. Tony began shooting wildly at them, clumsy shots which they effortlessly dodged.

"Wait," said Steve, setting a hand on Tony's arm. "Don't shoot…I don't think they're here to fight."

"Steve's right," Natasha said. She and Clint raised their arms as if in mock surrender. "We just want to talk."

"Something is wrong here," Clint continued, "And we think that – "

"Loki's behind it," Tony, Steve, and Peter all joined in on the final words.

"Yeah, I knew we never should have invited him," Tony remarked, shaking his head.

"Has anyone seen Thor or Bruce?" Steve asked them, looking slightly concerned.

"Well, no one's seen Bruce since we got here, but last we knew, Thor was going off to look for Loki to try to talk him out of whatever he was plotting," Natasha replied.

"How did he know Loki was plotting something?" Tony asked.

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"This is _Loki_ we're talking about. He can't go more than about twenty minutes without plotting something fundamentally evil."

Suddenly, a high, cold laugh echoed down one of the corridors to the left.

"And _there_ is our proof," Clint said grimly.


	11. Chapter 11

Tony, Steve, Peter, Clint, and Natasha took off down the alleyway to their right, following the sound of the mischievous laugh they had heard only moments before.

"It's this way!" Clint yelled, tugging on Steve's arm to stop the group and pointing down one of the side halls.

"No, it's definitely this way!" Tony yelled back, grabbing Steve's other sleeve and pointing ahead at the path ahead they had been following.

"Stark, we all know I have the best sense of direction out of anybody you have ever met," Clint shot back, glaring. Tasha nodded in agreement, hands on her hips.

"Yeah, well, we all know I'm a genius and a billionaire, and that we should probably all learn to trust my technology. AKA, a GPS." Tony waved his phone in the air.

"We're supposed to believe that you hooked up a GPS route for this place?" Natasha asked skeptically, eyebrows raised.

"I did it when we first got here. I had JARVIS hack into the security cameras and calculate a virtual map of the arena. Come on, Tash, that's first grade stuff…" Tony replied, smirking.

"Both of you, shut up!" Steve cried, and the whole group turned to look at him expectantly. Steve realised with a jolt that they were expecting _him_ to make the decision, as their informal leader. How was he supposed to know which way to go? What if he chose the wrong direction and they were too late to stop Loki?

Well, god knows Steve didn't absolutely trust modern technology.

"We'll go with Clint," Steve said firmly, which was received with a smug smile from Clint and outraged splutters from Tony.

There was a barely audible thump from behind them and a voice said "Wrong way, Cap." Tony jumped violently and swore.

"_Damn it_, Peter!"

Peter had just dropped down from the high ceiling again, totally unfazed by Tony's reaction.

"He's that way," the dark-haired teenager said, pointing down the route that Tony had suggested. "Looks like we've got a bit of a problem, too…"

"What is it?" Steve asked sharply, but Peter only shook his head.

"It's not far. You'll see when we get there."

Steve nodded, and beckoned them to follow him down the dark hallway with a wave of his hand. Tony, stuck out his tongue gloatingly at Clint, who scowled darkly in response.

Only a few moments later, they emerged from the eerily quiet narrow corridor into a more open space, which was already nearly dominated by quite another group.

Loki himself was standing in front of a massive crowd of what looked like every child who had entered the arena with them. Thor was also in the clearing, his back to the approaching heroes as he spoke to Loki.

"Brother, this is foolish," Thor was saying, apparently in an attempt to reason with him.

Upon noticing the arrival of the small cluster of heroes poised in front of him, a grin spread across Loki's pale face.

"Oh, look, Thor, your little friends have arrived!" he said in mock cheerfulness, taking particular care to sneer at Tony.

"We're not here to _play_, Loki; we're here to stop you," Steve said, glowering at the frost giant. Loki threw his head back and laughed loudly.

"I have an army," he said, gesturing to the frankly alarming group of young children, most of them boys around nine years old, standing at attention behind him, laser guns at the ready.

Clint stared at their opposition with his stony expression.

"He _is_ joking, right?"

But Thor shook his head gravely.

"Loki never jests. Not since that incident in our youth with the – I believe you Earth residents would refer to it as a badger? But, alas, it is of no matter."

Clint stared at Thor blankly, his mouth hanging open a bit.

Tony and Natasha were having a hard time containing their giggles at the sight of a haughty Loki surrounded by a herd of children, but Peter looked downright scared.

"What's up with you?" Tony asked Peter, confused by the teenager's frightened expression.

Peter looked at Tony with wide eyes.

"Have you ever babysat for ten-year-old triplets before?" Peter asked, and Tony and Natasha shook their heads and half-glanced at each other, unconvinced. Peter gulped, eyeing the horde of children anxiously. "Because I have a feeling this is going to be similar to, yet about six hundred times worse, than the time the Walker triplets got Nerf guns for their birthday."

"This will be, without a doubt, the final time you fools shall ever dare to cross me," Loki was declaring, oblivious to the restless shifting of his army behind him. The Avengers could see the children getting bored, beginning to whisper to each other as Loki gave his gloating speech.

"Well, don't you have any final words before I crush your pitiful army?" Loki asked, sneering pompously at them.

At that moment, the child in the Star Wars shirt at the front yelled "GET HIM!" and the whole mob of children moved forward to engulf Loki, who looked utterly taken aback.

"You – you are my army! You shall answer to me!" Loki was yelling, but his voice was drowned out by the delighted battle cries of the delighted mutinous children, who were all swarming him, shooting him repeatedly with their laser guns from all sides.

Tony was watching this spectacle with a kind of sick delight while Steve observed the scene grimly. Thor looked utterly torn.

"Well, it looks like we have a choice here," Clint called to the group. "We could sit back and blissfully watch the children beating Loki into the ground, we could _join_ the children beating Loki into the ground, or we could…no, actually, those are our only two choices, really."

Steve looked at him disapprovingly.

"Save it, Barton. Those children are some of the biggest bullies I've ever met, and we would be just as bad as them if we sat back and watched it all happen."

"So…you're saying we should join them?" Clint said, but Steve ignored him.

"Loki builds up an army and tries to defeat us, again, and now you're asking us to jump in and save his sorry ass?" Tasha asked Steve skeptically.

"Yes," he replied firmly. "Thor – what's your opinion?"

"I have already stood up for my brother and given him another chance," said Thor. "I leave this decision in your hands, Captain."

That was all the confirmation Steve needed.

"Avengers, assemble!" he cried, and the group obediently convened behind him, Tony doing so a bit grudgingly.

"You always ruin the best moments for me, don't you, Cap?" he grumbled, looking wistfully over to where only one of the golden horns of Loki's helmet was now visible under the onslaught of children. All it took was a threatening glare from Steve to shut Tony up.

With mighty war cries of their own, the Avengers plunged valiantly into battle.


	12. Chapter 12

"That was a noble effort, team," Steve said, a huge fake smile plastered on his face.

"It's okay, Cap, you really don't need to say that," Clint said.

Steve widened his frankly frightening smile even more.

"No, really, we fought well –" he began again, but was cut off when Peter, Tasha, Thor, Tony, and Clint, who were all sitting side by side on the bench in the lobby, raised their heads to look at him with dour expressions.

At that point, even Steve gave up and sat slumped against the wall with his head down like the rest of them as they waited for the employee to pass back their score cards.

Loki had been exiled to his own bench across the lobby.

Bruce waded out from the mob of children gathered around the employee who were scrabbling wildly for their score cards. He turned and waved happily to a tiny boy with large glasses, who waved back. Bruce sat down at the end of the bench, next to Clint.

"How'd it go?" he asked them, but then he spotted their grim expressions and the Frost Giant sitting by himself across the lobby. "You know what? Never mind. I think I've got it."

The woman with the score cards was nearing the bottom of the pile, and they filed up one by one as she read the names printed on the cards.

"Cap? … Widow? … Hawkeye? … Spidey? … Thor? … Frosty? … Hulk? … Rich Boy?"

Loki swept over wordlessly without looking at Clint, but Bruce and Tony both had something to say about their names.

Bruce looked at Clint disapprovingly, but also seemed a tiny bit amused.

"You know, I really do prefer Bruce," he said as he passed the archer.

Tony was a bit more, well, livid.

Luckily for everyone, Clint chose that moment to inexplicably disappear again, so they were all left to simply read their score cards without the usual onslaught of violence ensuing.

"Tony, what did you get?" Peter asked, trying to lean around to peek at Tony's card, but Tony snatched it away.

"Doesn't matter. What did _you_ get?"

"Uh…negative eighty-nine points."

This would have elicited raucous laughter under normal circumstances, but the serious silence that followed Peter's statement proved just how badly they had all done.

"I got negative ninety-four," Tony said, tossing his score card onto the bench next to him.

"Negative one hundred and ten," Steve added, tossing his down on top of Tony's.

Thor was squinting at his score card, trying to distinguish his score from the rows of tiny print.

"Thor got negative eighty," Tasha said, glancing over his shoulder, "And I got negative fifty. Clint got negative fifty-two. We won. Again."

"Hey, we didn't hear Bruce's score yet," Peter said, sliding down to sit next to the scientist. "Whad'ja get?"

"Umm…" Bruce glanced down at his card. "Zero points."

They all gaped at him. Tony turned to Tasha.

"Bruce beat you."

"I know," said Tasha, keeping her face cool but pushing down her embarrassment nonetheless.

"Bruce."

"Yes."

"Beat you. At laser tag."

"I am aware."

"You _and _Clint. Bruce beat you and Clint at laser tag."

"Shut up, Stark."

Tony turned to Bruce now.

"I mean, I was always the one who was supposed to beat them, but hey, we've gotta start somewhere. Nice job. Really spectacular."

Tony held out his fist for a fist bump. Slightly perplexed but pleased even so, Bruce bumped Tony's outstretched fist with his own.

"Wonder what the Abominable Snowman got," remarked Clint, who had appeared again without any of them noticing. Tasha dashed over and snatched Loki's score card out of his pale hand, carrying it triumphantly back to the group. Loki stood up, indignant, before sitting down wearily again, evidently too drained to bother. Everybody else gathered around Tasha to look over her shoulder at the card.

"Negative two hundred and thirty-seven points," Natasha read slowly, staring at the card. Then Tony began to snigger, and the rest of the group completely lost it.

Now Loki stormed over, his pale cheeks flushed uncharacteristically, and snatched the score card back out of Tasha's hand as the Avengers roared with laughter. This was going to be a long ride home, Loki could tell.


	13. Chapter 13

Somehow, Clint managed to convince Tony to let him drive the second car on the journey back. No one was quite sure how he did it, but soon enough, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, and Thor were all piling into the sports car and zooming out of the parking lot towards the mansion.

Tony climbed into the driver's seat of his favorite red car, still attempting not to giggle whenever he peered sideways at Loki. Loki sat alone in the passenger seat in an attempt to prevent any further conflict on his behalf, and also because Steve still wouldn't let Peter sit next to him, despite the teenager's persistent whining and begging.

Steve and Peter sat together in the back, much to Steve's delight – he could now debrief Peter on his battle performance and strategy, and gush excitedly about how brilliant it was to finally see the young hero's skills in action.

Tony jabbed the touch screen on the car's built-in GPS. He still didn't believe that Clint's detours through the corn field were strictly necessary.

"You should see me when I have my web shooters," Peter was saying to Steve, grinning. "I could have totally kicked those kids' butts."

"Do you think you could show me your web shooters when we get back?" Steve asked excitedly. "Give us a demonstration, or something? You've got _so_ much potential, especially for your age…"

After several minutes, the silence from Loki's corner of the car was beginning to feel quite relaxing, especially for Tony. He would even go as far as to say he was enjoying the ride, with the gentle afternoon sunlight falling across the road in yellow beams, and the pleasant sound of Steve and Peter's chatter floating up from the backseat –

"Yellow car."

Steve and Peter's conversation ceased immediately as Tony drew in a long breath through his nostrils. Tony turned his head slowly to the right to glare at Loki, who was beginning to look nervous. They couldn't see Tony's eyes behind his dark sunglasses, but Steve was willing to bet that somebody would get scorched by the flames in Tony's eyes.

Tony wasn't even speaking. Loki looked considerably puzzled.

"There was a yellow earth vehicle…" Loki explained, pointing lamely in the direction of his window. "So I said 'yellow car'…"

Tony said nothing.

"…Is that not how the game is played?"

Silence.

"…And I think I just succeeded in that competition, so I am superior to you puny humans," Loki finished quickly and harshly, before shrinking back against the window slightly under the weight of Tony's glare and dropping his eyes to the floor of the car.

Tony's attention returned to the road, and the inhabitants of the car were resigned to several minutes of awkward silence before the shiny sports car finally turned down the impossibly long and sloping driveway to Tony's mansion.

Tony pulled the red car into his garage, and they all piled silently out of the vehicle. Tony peered anxiously up the driveway, running a hand through his hair.

"Where the hell is Barton? I _knew_ this was a bad idea…Damn it, why did I ever let him behind the wheel of one of my cars?"

"Because you're a halfwit," Loki muttered under his breath.

"Oh, go back to the North Pole," Tony scowled back.

"I'm sure your car will be fine, Tony," Steve said reassuringly.

"I'll bet you ten bucks it's not," Tony growled. "JARVIS, get me the GPS signal on the car Barton's driving." The holographic screen appeared in the air in front of Tony.

"The vehicle you requested is 8.3 miles away, and should be arriving in just over five minutes," JARVIS informed him.

"Speed?" Tony asked, looking as though he really didn't want to know the answer.

"The vehicle's speed is currently 78.9 miles per hour."

Steve and Peter, who were sitting on the hood of one of the less-expensive looking cars, winced. Loki was leaning against the wall behind them, considerably disinterested.

"Well…it could be worse, I guess…" Tony remarked, looking incredibly strained. He watched the screen, flinching a little every time the little red dot swerved a little on the holographic street.

"Is he okay?" Peter whispered to Steve as Tony began wringing his hands and muttering to himself as he paced back and forth across the garage.

"He'll be fine," Steve whispered back, eyeing Tony warily. "I'm not so sure Clint will, though, once Tony gets his hands on him. But…just to be safe, stay away from Tony for the next couple of hours..."

"JARVIS, call Clint," Tony barked suddenly as he suddenly stopped pacing. "No, wait! Don't call Clint. He's driving. He might crash my baby. Alright…alright, then, call Bruce."

"Right away, sir," came JARVIS's reply, and a small picture of Bruce appeared in the bottom left hand corner of the screen. The phone rang a few times before going to voicemail.

"_Hello, you've reached Bruce Banner. He is not available right now; please leave a message."_

"Would you like to leave a message?" JARVIS asked, but Tony shook his head.

"No, just hang up." Tony resumed his frantic pacing once more. "Of course he wouldn't pick up. Why wouldn't he pick up? There's no reason why Bruce shouldn't have picked up."

"Shall I try Miss Romanoff?" JARVIS inquired.

"No, she blocked my number after that time I got drunk and kept prank calling her. She said I'm useless and she didn't ever want to talk to me. What's their arrival time now?"

"Just over one and a half minutes, sir."

"A lot could happen in one and a half minutes…" Tony muttered darkly.

"Clint is going to be so _dead_," Peter whispered to Steve, poorly hiding the excitement in his voice.

The group in the garage could hear their friends coming before they could actually see them. There was a low, thudding beat that echoed down into the garage; a few lyrics became distinguishable several moments later as they drew closer.

"Is Clint playing _Nicki Minaj_…in _Tony's car_?" Peter said in disbelief, staring towards the open garage doors with his mouth hanging open.

"Who's Nicki Minaj?" Steve asked curiously.

"Well, she's no ACDC, I can tell you that much."

Tony had gone very still by the time the second half of the Avengers rolled into the garage. The top of the convertible was down, and Clint and Thor were both wearing pairs of Tony's sunglasses they had found in the car. The music blasting from the car's speakers was, indeed, Nicki Minaj, and all of them were eating Taco Bell.

Steve silently slid off of the hood of the car and slipped Tony a ten dollar bill.

Clint drove the car slowly into the center of the garage and stopped directly in front of Tony, grinning at him.

"Hey, Stark," he said, taking the key out of the ignition and immediately stemming the distasteful blast of music from the speakers.

Tony muttered something indistinguishable.

"What was that?" Clint asked, climbing out of the open-topped car without bothering to open the door.

"My car," Tony said simply, staring blankly at where Thor was still shoveling Taco Bell into his mouth and Natasha was lounging with her feet on the dashboard. "My car, Barton."

"Yeah, man," Clint replied coolly, glancing back to the car as well and smirking. "It's a sweet ride, isn't it?"

Tony didn't reply immediately. When he finally spoke, it was still in that emotionless, controlled voice. This calm, collected, vindictive side of Tony was somehow infinitely more terrifying than the loud, impulsive, angry Tony they were all used to.

"JARVIS, get me my suit."

"Right away, sir."

But when they turned back to see how Clint was going to react, the archer had disappeared.

"Ooh, tough luck, Stark," Tasha said, grinning with amusement.

"What do you mean?" Tony asked, as hi-tech machinery descended from the ceiling and began outfitting him in his scarlet and gold suit. "I've got a tracker for him installed in here. I'll find him in no time."

Tasha looked impressed, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, in that case, he's totally dead," she remarked.

The mask slid down in front of Tony's face, and the machinery disappeared back up into the ceiling.

"You can run, but you can't hide, Barton!" Tony hollered, and with a blast, he was shooting like a rocket up and out of the garage door.

They all watched him go, before Steve turned to the rest of them enthusiastically.

"So, what should we do next week?"

"I was thinking kayaking," contributed Natasha. "Except Loki's not invited this time."

"Agreed," said the rest of them. Apart from Peter, that is, who looked rather disappointed.

"I _am_ standing right here, you know," said Loki from his position near the wall.

"We know," replied Tasha.

There was a dull thud from somewhere above their heads, which was followed by a colossal crash and the tinkling of broken glass.

"…I think we should go make sure Clint is okay," Steve suggested, and the rest of them nodded in agreement. They all took off through the door and up the stairs towards the rest of the mansion, leaving Loki alone in the garage. Nobody seemed to remember he was still there.

Indifferent, Loki reached under his cape and pulled out the box of Pop-Tarts he had stolen from Thor, which he had managed to steal back after the deplorable laser tag disaster.

Loki sat down on the concrete floor, leaning against the wall as he munched thoughtfully on a strawberry Pop-Tart, listening to the shouts of "DAMN IT, BARTON!" and "Tony, no! Not the piano - !" issuing from above his head, accompanied by various crashes, clatters, and what sounded like minor explosions.

_Well, at least the day wasn't a _complete_ waste, _Loki thought, appraising his delicious toaster pastry with admiration.

Pepper Potts came storming down the stairs and through the door at the end of the garage, her hair mussed and left sleeve slightly singed. Her high heels made irritable ticking noises against the floor and she was muttering crossly to no one in particular.

"Can you BELIEVE them? And Tony _wondered_ why I didn't want to come! I'm not cleaning any of this up, _any_ of it, I hope he knows that…!"

Wordlessly, Loki reached out, offering Pepper the other half of his Pop-Tart. Pepper seemed to calm herself slightly, smoothing down her hair and her skirt and breathing heavily through her nose.

"Thanks," she finally said, accepting the Pop-Tart and sliding down the wall to sit next to Loki, both of them munching silently and wincing every so often when it sounded as though part of the ceiling had caved in.

It was just another day in the Avengers' household, after all.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, friends, I'm afraid that's the end. I want to thank you again for all of the love and support, you're all simply brilliant.**

**And, since I enjoyed writing for you so much...a sequel is in the making! Keep your eye out for "The Incredible Kayaking Expedition"! ;) No guarantees on when it'll be up, but I promise you I'm working diligently on it! More maniacal Loki, more adorable Steve, more competitive Tony, and a very insane bird-obsessed Clint, if anyone's interested.  
**

**FAREWELL FOR NOW, LOVELY READERS.  
**


	14. Author's Note: Sequel

**Author's Note: **Hello, all! I just wanted to let you know that the first chapter of the sequel, The Incredible Kayaking Expedition, is finally up, for anyone who's interested. Have a nice day :D


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